In Loving Memory ...

My Dear Dad

John Frederick Mumm

November 21, 1923

March 17, 2014

It's been six months since my father died and I still have a really hard time writing this little tribute. In June, I quit my job to take on the task of giving away all of his medical equipment, cleaning out the closet, and sorting through over 20 boxes of files, papers and books that we moved to our house when my Dad moved here in August of 2010.

Going through the boxes, I uncovered incredible family photographs, newspaper clippings, decades of canceled checks and receipts ... as well as his notebooks from years of work as a mechanical/nuclear engineer. It really gave me perspective on just what a fabulous man ... a man of faith, courage and integrity ... a loving husband and a wonderful father he was. He was so intelligent ... and yet humble and kind. He was always patient and thoughtful. It's interesting to look at all his accomplishments ... from being a decorated veteran of World War II ... to working on the first nuclear-powered submarine (the Nautilus) ... to designing power plants ... and all the while, he found the time to take my Mom and all five of us children on picnics to the Peaks of Otter in the fall, to Isaac Walton Lake in the summer ... to museum tours and walks around Monticello and Appomattox (he loved history and was especially fascinated by the Civil War period). He was never too busy for us.

At first, it was so completely devastating to throw all of this -- a lifetime of work -- away, but lack of space made it a necessity. Just this week, three months after I started this major clean-out project, I realized, my father's life is not defined by papers and tangible "stuff." None of that defines any of us. The richness of who we are is what we do with our lives and how we affect others. I am so blessed to have had my Mom and my Dad.

Eating his favorite: A banana split!

Christmas morning 2013

Receiving the Distinguished Flying Cross

I found this "creed," attributed to Edgar A. Guest, in one of my father's notebooks. It really sums up who he was.

My Dad on his 90th birthday with my husband, brother and sister.

My Mom and Dad on their wedding day: February 7, 1948. They're now together forever.

Help for Swallowing Difficulties

During my father's recovery, I happened upon quite a few things that can help strengthen the throat muscles and aid in regaining one's ability to swallow. I realized only recently that I haven't shared all these great things on this blog ... and that's what this blog is all about ... sharing information!

So here goes ... in the hospital and at assisted-living centers and nursing homes, you might see several items that you can't find on your grocery-store shelves ... pre-thickened beverages, for instance ... and a wonderfully high-protein, delicious-tasting ice-cream kind of thing called Magic Cup. After a bit of researching on the internet, I was able to find a source for both thickened liquids (as well as other thickened products) and the elusive Magic Cup.

If you'd like the products made by Hormel, the Thick and Easy products, you can purchase them online at the Hormel Home Care Nutrition website  or by telephone: 1-800-491-6876. You can find all the wonderful products that were available at the hospital ... like my Dad's personal favorite, Nectar-Thick Sweet Tea. 

For some reason, the pre-thickened beverages seem to taste much better than those to which thickener has been added.

Magic Cup is a protein-rich, ice-cream-like product that is also made by Hormel. You can order it online or by telephone. This is the website. Here is the telephone number: 877-493-2633

Of Books and Book Stands ...

I've learned so much in the last several years while being a caregiver ... which is why I started this blog back in 2008. I have lots and lots of resources that I want to share, but find I have so little time to write about them all.
So, let me just start here: If you are taking care of someone who is seriously ill or who is disabled and needs a lot of care, one of the best books that you can get is The Complete Bedside Companion: No Nonsense Advice on Caring for the Seriously Ill When I found my copy on sale for 25 cents at our local library's book sale, I had no idea that I'd actually be using it one day. This book contains a wealth of information that you won't find assembled together anywhere else ... from general advice on how to be a caregiver (such as turning a person in bed, giving bed baths, preventing pressure ulcers, etc), to separate sections for different ailments ... such as caring for a person with neurological disorders and strokes; cardiovascular problems; muscular problems; there's even a section on Alzheimer's disease and dementia. This book has it all! Truly, it's invaluable!!
As for many of the other books out there that are marketed for helping caregivers, I found most were not helpful at all. I purchased a TON (yes, I mean a TON) of books and not one of them gave me any of the practical help that The Complete Bedside Companion gave me.
I know, I know. You can't judge a book by its cover. When it comes to books about caring for elderly parents, if you think you are going to buy one, see if you can flip through a library copy or look for it on a shelf at your local Barnes and Noble before you plunk down your hard-earned cash. I purchased stacks and stacks of books, looking for that one that would have the perfect answers for me. Unfortunately, I can't recommend any of them beyond the Bedside Companion. No, not even one.
However, there is a book stand that I would highly recommend! My father, who is quite physically challenged, wanted to read in bed. His bed is a hospital bed. I tried rigging up many different things to make reading in bed a possibility for him. I tried an over-the-hospital-bed table, but it was too high and the flat top didn't work. Of course we tried many different book holders, but none of them really held the pages open ... and propped up on the table, they were far too high. I also tried a lap desk. This didn't work, as it was too low and the book kept sliding off the top. Complications from my father's stroke left him with a clenched left hand. Although he can move the thumb and forefinger, this doesn't really do an adequate job of keeping a book open ... and then, turning a page becomes quite a task.
FINALLY: I did an online search and found the most amazing thing: The Levo Book Holder Book Stand. It's available at many places on the web (here are a couple of  links: book stand, book stand 2)

Here's my Dad ... reading yet another of his favorite Civil War books ... you'll notice the stand can be adjusted to many different heights (right over the side rails!) and then the holder, itself, can be tilted to the appropriate angle. It came with a clip-on, battery-operated book light, which is great. See how the handy page holders work? This is a pretty thick book and yet, the pages can be held open quite well.

Here's the back view.

This has been an exceptional find. It was well worth the price. I might add that the stand is actually very heavy, but it comes on rollers.

Still Looking for an Easy-to-Use CD Player

While I'm quite disappointed that the Sony cd player that I had come to know and love for its ease of use is no longer manufactured, I'm back to looking around for a replacement. I recently stumbled upon the Coby MPCD281 portable MP3/cd player with am/fm radio ... It looks a little more difficult, with its smaller buttons; however, on the positive side, it doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles to complicate things. One is able to pull up the lid to place the cd inside, which is great. Too often, the newer models have yet another button to push to get the lid to open!
This model appears to be readily available at many places. Here's a link to it at Amazon.com. Coby MPCD281 It also comes in a variety of colors. If anyone has any prior experience with this model, please let me know. For some reason, the red color is the least expensive. The blue, the white and the red are much less expensive (on Amazon.com, anyhow) than the black. Take a look and see what you think.

Another Choice for Easy-to-Use CD Player

A very kind reader just discovered this cd player for her elderly mother:
http://www.muji.us/store/new-wall-mounted-cd-player-with-fm-radio-white.html
 It is mounted on the wall. Once the cd has been placed inside, the user only has to pull on the cord to operate it! The person who recommended this said her mother lives in an assisted-living facility. The cd is changed periodically by the staff. She wrote a large sign that reads, "To hear music, gently pull on the cord." Click on the link for more information and photographs of the unit.

Jay Easy Wheelchair Cushion!

I know I haven't shared any new products lately! In fact, I notice that the last post I wrote was almost a year ago! YIKES! However, if you're reading this post, you are probably in the same situation I am ... taking care of an elderly parent (or parents) ... and so you know how difficult it is to find a free moment!

The first new thing we've found is the Jay Easy Wheelchair Cushion. Before we found this, my father had recurring pressure-ulcer problems on his left side (his weak side). His body tends to lean to the left, putting more and more pressure on the same spot. This wheechair cushion has a gel insert and conforms to the shape of the body. It's been a fabulous find.

There are many different prices, I've noticed, so take your time and search.

THE Overnight Brief Test!

Using this wonderful little 500 ml. measuring cup filled with water, my father's CNA (Blanche) and I tested the three most-recommended overnight briefs. By far, the one that can hold the most and still not separate is the Dry 24/7. This brief is incredible! It held a whopping 3500 ml of water and STILL did not separate or leak!

Yes, even after filling the measuring cup SEVEN (7) times, this brief still held up! The next to be tested was the Abri-Form Premium. It felt great out of the package, but didn't hold up nearly as well as the Dry 24/7.

This is the Abri-Form Premium Air with the cloth-like exterior. It started to separate after 2000 ml of water (4 measuring-cupfuls of water), but it didn't leak and it still held together.

Last, we tried the Tranquility ATN (all through the night).

We had to conclude that the Tranquility ATN brief was our least favorite. Take a look at it after 2000 ml of water. It is separating very badly. It didn't leak through, but it's such a mess, I'm not sure how it would be if it were actually on someone at this point.

Don't Use the Inflatable "Doughnuts!"

See this? It's called an inflatable "doughnut" and it sometimes is recommended for people to sit on to prevent pressure ulcers (BED SORES). However, it's now not recommended at all. In fact, a wound-care specialist doctor told me these should not be used, as they simply cause more pressure to occur on the coccyx area of the lower back! (So you'll really end up with more sores!)

Now, here's something you can use! It's a memory-foam mattress topper. I bought several at our local Target store. I used the double-bed size to cover his entire lift/recliner chair. I cut up a twin-size topper and use the pieces to rest his ankles, his elbows, under his knees, etc., when he goes to lie down.
They may look a bit odd, but they are working!

Another thing I can definitely recommend is the Medline Soothe and Cool paste with allantoin. It's been a really great barrier and it helps promote healing.

In Loving Memory ...

My Wonderful Mom

Dorothea A. Mumm

February 8, 1926-April 1, 2010

I miss her so much

A Telephone that Works! and Appropriate Activities Are Challenging to Find!

Here is a phone I just purchased for my parents which does seem to be working for them.
It is the Memory Phone. This is the Ameriphone P300 Amplified Photo Phone by Clarity.
It has nine buttons for photos/names. I programmed in my phone numbers (home and cell phone), as well as the phone numbers of my siblings and my Mom's siblings. She has used the "box" quite frequently (maybe too frequently??) ... but it works and she can use it.

Now, onto the activities ... First, let me say that I am not a person who gives up easily. In fact, my husband has often commented on how much akin to a terrier I am... once I grab onto something, I don't let go. (Maybe I don't literally sink my teeth into it, though ...) Anyhow, after over 4 years of searching for activities to bring fulfillment and meaning to my elderly parents' lives, I might ... I just might ... have to let go. Because the common denominator that is lacking in every instance is: ME. All of the activities need a leader ... a person who will sit there and do the project, game, sing-a-long, whatever it is WITH my parents.

I say this because ... if you think about it ... What kinds of activities can you find that an elderly person can and will do on his/her own WITHOUT having someone help? What will spark their interest? What will hold their interest? What is physically and cognitively easy enough to handle on their own without being childish and pointless?

My parents are not the typical elderly people with dementia. Their English is perfect. Their grammar is impeccable. My mother enjoys the SAT vocabulary prep programs because they are "fun!" BUT neither she nor my dad can operate the computer alone. The telephone isn't even easy to use anymore. I have invested so much money in games, activities, puzzle books, etc., and to no avail. They don't enjoy any of them without someone being there to get it all going and to keep it going. This is the biggest challenge of all because, while I visit often (almost every day), I cannot stay and play games.

I am going to list the various things I have tried; however, because maybe someone else will be interested:

You Can Do It Art
This website has everything you need to learn the art of watercolor painting at home. I purchased the instructional dvds and they are terrific. My son and I enjoy them very much; however, I never brought this over to the assisted-living center where my parents live. This is definitely something they would need help with ... help with getting all the supplies together; help with operating the television and the dvd player; help with the actual "painting" ... and last, but not least, help with cleaning everything up after the lesson.

Art Games
Art Omino -- Impressionist art game
Art Memo -- I
My parents were always very interested in art and artists. When I was a child, we visited the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., as well as many other museums ... so, when I read that matching games could help improve, restore and halt the loss of memory, well, I soon ordered these. Again, my parents definitely needed someone to set up the game, start the game and keep it going. Oh, they'd play it all right, if you were there. They never would take it out and play it with each other.

Pattern Blocks and Games
Pattern Play
Quirkle
Find It
Pattern games were highly recommended by the Best Products for Alzheimer's patients store. I bought both Pattern Play and Quirkle. My parents had no interest in either. Quirkle was fun, I thought, but again, it was not something my parents were going to set up and play on their own. They didn't really like it, anyhow ... it was, perhaps, a little confusing for them. The pattern blocks in Pattern Play held no interest for them whatsoever. I read about the Find It games somewhere and thought these would be great, as my Dad is in a wheel chair and sits quite a bit. These are self-contained, sealed games you could easily do alone, in a chair. Nope. Both of my parents had absolutely ZERO interest in these and asked me to take them home with me.

Balls for Tactile/Sensory Activity
Box of Balls
After reading the benefits of tactile stimulation, I just had to buy this box of balls! Of course I did! If I come and open the box and take the balls out one by one, my parents are delighted to squeeze them and feel the various textures. I have left the box open on the table, but I've never come in for a visit and seen either one of my parents actually squeezing the balls on his/her own. *sigh

Music Therapy
Elder Song
After reading many, many articles on the benefits of music therapy and how singing along to, as well as listening to music (particularly music that was popular during their youth), my sister and I invested in a couple of the Elder Song cds. They are wonderfully easy to sing along with and you can purchase the lyrics in a song book so everyone can sing along ... but, again, my parents will only do this if we are there to get them going and sit there with them, singing along. It was amazing; however, to see my Dad actually sing again ... and both of my parents recalled the lyrics without the books! Who knew!

Aromatherapy
Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy Products
After reading many articles describing the fabulous effects of aromatherapy with elderly people, particularly the scents of rosemary, peppermint and lemon, I purchased some of the roll-on fragrances and also the sticks that sit in the oil and infuse the scent into the air. Well, my parents' sense of smell has really gone away. My father can't smell anything at all. These were all a big bust and didn't have any effect whatsoever.

Liquid Motion
Color Spectrum
Another product I had read about ... the benefits of looking at random colors moving in enclosed hand-held containers. Fortunately, I only purchased this one from a local toy store, and not all the various liquid-motion toys and products that are available ... because, once again, my parents had NO interest at all in this. It's still sitting on their table, though, in the hopes that maybe they'll pick it up one day and be happily surprised. I'm not holding my breath, though.

They don't seem to like to read anymore, although they were avid readers even just a few years ago. Nothing seems to keep their attention. They can't seem to sit down and focus on anything. The caregivers will put a movie on for them in the evening, which is wonderful, but even movies don't hold their interest for long. They do enjoy the idea of the movie; however. I read from the Best Products for the Elderly that dvds of nature, like the Blue Planet ... or Winged Migration ... or the Most Beautiful Places ... would be good, so we've all purchased these for Christmas. We'll see how it goes.

My last big expenditure on the games/toys/tactile things, etc., is this: The Breezy Singers Parakeet. We did have parakeets while I was a child and I thought, maybe ... just maybe, having a little fake pet would be good! I know, I know, I really am grasping here! This little parakeet is motion activated and can be removed from its perch to sit on your finger like a real parakeet. We'll see how it goes.

I think what I really have learned from all of this is the following: If you are able to devote a lot of time to your elderly loved ones, they will flourish. You need to be there to captain the ship. Sadly, we who are in the sandwich generation with kids (even teens) that we are still rearing ... or those of us with jobs or spouses (which comprise most of us, let's face it) ... we don't have the time to spend with our parents for these activities. We spend the time we do have on picking up their prescriptions, taking them to the doctor or hospital, meeting with the staff if they live in assisted living to go over their "individual service plan," paying their bills, purchasing snacks and clothing and supplies, taking them to church, doing their laundry, etc. When is there time to play? *sigh This is a very, very sad realization. I wish I had more time for all of it. But as I stood looking over my mom's shoulder as she did the SAT vocabulary prep, I started feeling guilty that I wasn't at home helping my son study for the SAT! I started thinking, "hey, if we focused like this for an hour a day, he'd be doing great!"

Life is full of these kinds of challenges and choices and it's so difficult. That's when, again, I take a deep breath, a hot shower where I can think and then I pray some more. For awhile, I kept thinking, "As soon as the dust settles, my life will return to normal. THEN I can do this or that or whatever." Then I realized this IS my life. The DUST is life. It's not going to settle, so I'm going to have to find out how to live with it! That's the challenge. I can't do it all. I have to admit that and live with that, too. I can't feel guilty about that, either. (Which is a lot easier said than done!)

FINALLY! A Senior-Friendly CD Player!

For several years now I have been searching for an easy-to-use, big-button cd player for my elderly parents. The Sony Digital Audio CD Boombox is perfect!
This player also has a radio, but nothing else, which is exactly what we wanted. Its buttons are easy to press. Turn the machine to ON, simply lift the lid manually to place your cd inside and press "Play." It's that easy! It's so good, I bought another to put in the activity room at the assisted-living center. Yes! It gets use! The writing on the buttons is a little pale, so I used a permanent marker to write ON, Play, etc., in large, dark letters. This would be my only complaint and it's a very small one, indeed. Fabulous player!
Here's a link to see it at the Sony Store.
It looks like it comes in a variety of colors: Aqua, pink, blue and red. Our local Target store only had aqua on the shelf, so that's what we got! It's also available on Amazon.com and lots of other places. Just do a search for the Sony ZS-E5 Boombox model.
It comes with a removable plug and also the option to use batteries, instead. For my parents, I leave it plugged in and on all the time, so all they have to do is lift the lid, insert a cd and hit PLAY.
I highly recommend it!
UPDATE: 3/18/13: It seems this model has, sadly, been discontinued!!! NO!!! I recently stumbled upon this one, the Coby MPCD281. Here's a look from amazon.com: Coby MPCD281

Shower Chairs with Arms!

My father is still very independent and quite stubborn. But he exhausts easily ... even just getting up seems to tire him out these days, so taking a shower seemed almost insurmountable. About a week ago, it suddenly occurred to me that if he were able to ease himself down onto a chair in the shower and not have to worry about balancing as well as maneuvering the hand-held shower handle, maybe ... just maybe ... he might be more inclined to take a shower without so much coaxing.
When I visited my father a few days after I put the chair in the shower, he actually had used it! He liked it! (I don't know why I had not thought of this sooner, but ... )
I purchased the one for my father locally at Griffin Home Health Care, but there are many online stores that carry them, as well. Be sure to get one with arms and a back. There are many for sale as shower benches, some are shower chairs without backs, some have backs ... but not all of them have arms. Arms are really essential, as the armless kinds make the person *plunk* down too hard and don't provide anything to grab onto to help ease them down ... and to help them get back up.
This way, my father can back up to the chair, reach his arms behind him and find the arms to the chair and, grabbing them, he can lower himself down.
Here are a few links to stores with shower chairs (again ... look for the arms)!

Elder Depot
Colonial Medical (the one I like is on page 3)
UCan Health

And I'm sure there are many, many more. Just do a google search for "shower chair with arms and back" and you'll find a lot. I purchased mine locally for about $83 and no shipping charge, as I picked it up. So, you might want to check your own city/town for home health or equipment supplies, etc.
It's definitely worth it! They also had lots of different kinds of rinse-less shampoos and bath washes. This is another option for someone who cannot take a whole bath or shower. There is even a shower cap with rinse-less shampoo in it and all you do is rub your hands on top of the cap to transfer the cleanser to the head/hair/scalp! Amazing!
I hope this information helps someone help their parents! I can't tell you how great this shower chair has been!

Driving and Living Alone. How Do You Make Your Parents Understand It's Not Safe!

This past year has been an incredibly difficult one for our entire family. My parents have just refused to acknowledge that anything is wrong ... that they need assistance ... that it's not safe to live alone or do the things they used to do anymore.
One of the many disappointing things for me is that I am a researcher. If I don't the answer, I try to find it. In fact, I grab on like a terrier (says my husband) and I won't let go until I have it all figured out.
This is one time ... one instance ... where there is no figuring it out.
I can't tell you how many books I've purchased and read that promise to divulge all the secrets to having happy, safe elderly parents ... the key to communication ... to long-term planning ... strategies to help them understand their future needs. The beautiful photos on the covers and the dust jackets make you think THIS one will be THE book that will end all the searching, all the agonizing, all the sleepless nights of worry.
NOPE. So sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there aren't books out there that can do that for you.
When I was just out of college, I was reading lots of philosophy books trying to figure out the meaning of life. Until one day, I realized, guess what? All these philosophers were philosophizing about the meaning of life but they, too, didn't really have any idea what everything meant. Nobody had a blueprint or a handbook for how to live. I finally put all the philosophers away and started praying more.
In my opinion, there is no definitive book available because there is no plan that one can implement that will really help. If your parents do not wish to acknowledge they need assistance, there's no book or strategy that will MAKE them acknowledge their frailty. If your parents insist on driving even when their reflexes slow or they begin to make poor or odd decisions about where they are going and when they are going ... if they begin to get lost all the time when they are driving, YOU know the time has come for them to stop, but they may still stubbornly cling to the notion that they're fine. "Mind your own business!" they may even say angrily. The fact is, if they want to drive and they've got a valid license, they can drive. You can hide the keys to the car or take them away, but they can always RENT a car and have it delivered right to their door!
If they are only eating toast and drinking coffee and burning more toast than they are really eating ... but they still refuse to have a cook come in ... there's little you can do. You can only wring your hands and visit with food as often as possible, hoping that will be sufficient nutrition for them. You, too, WANT desperately to believe it's only a phase and that your parents will be themselves again in no time. But you see, old age is not a disease that has a cure. You don't get better.
I have seen life so differently these past few years. I know what the meaning of life is ... right out of my catechism book: To Know, Love and Serve God ... wow. Helping your elderly parents gives you TONS and TONS of opportunities to do this every, single day. It is SO difficult to try to accomplish what is safe and best for your parents if they refuse to accept that they need anything from you. The only thing you can always fall back on ... the only absolutely sure thing that will help is: PRAYER. That's it. That's the solution I've been searching for all this time.
It was through prayer that my parents were in a car accident (where no one else was injured) ... that injured my dad enough for them to WANT to move into assisted living ... that destroyed the car, so took it away without any of us having to figure out how to approach that anymore. And, while he still could rent a car, the patrolman wrote a note to the DMV to have his license taken away until he would take a road test. Thankfully, we turned in the licenses for IDs and, although the road-test topic comes up every now and then, I try to deflect the conversation onto some other subject and that seems to be working FOR NOW. That's another thing you must remember. Take each day one day at a time. FOR NOW things are okay. FOR TODAY. We'll face tomorrow when it comes.
For this new year of 2009, I hope to have increased space for listing useful products and services for our elderly parents, as well as just being here if anyone needs to talk about what you're going through.
Have you gotten the car situation under control yet? Have you convinced your parents they may need to move into an assisted-living center? Do you know what your parents are eating every day?
Feel free to email me if just want to talk about it.

Parents' Wish

My sister forwarded me this link to A Parent's Wish ... These past few years of helping my elderly parents ... particularly this last year ... has brought many aspects of my life ... and "life," in general, into clearer view.

Financial Insecurity ... and Security

There was a very interesting article: AARP exposes shady retirement seminars
When it comes to these workshops, there is no such thing as a 'free lunch' on the MSNBC website this morning. Everyone should definitely read this!
My siblings and I are just as worried about my Dad's investments and my parents' financial security as I'm sure most people are these days; however, as the article points out ... be careful before putting all the money in an annuity or a trust. I had actually thought about this route, until I really started thinking about all the unexpected (and expected) expenses that arise every month ... how would we be able to pay those bills if we were only receiving a fixed amount? Who cares that it would pay out for 5-10 years! If you need it today, you need it today! To think that my parents' would have had the money to cover expenses, but we wouldn't be able to access it, would have been catastrophic!
Every month hospital bills, clothing expenses, sundry shopping trips, meals out, pharmacy bills, etc., come in ... not to mention the upkeep and possible future expenses to be incurred with their house before it sells ... what a disaster this all could have been!
I'm still optimistic that the stock market will turn around, so I even hate the thought of liquidating any of it at this point, though I know we have to do something to cover expenses. Assisted Living is costly, but still is much more feasible than the cost of 24-hour, 7-day a week care at home.
As I discover any helpful information on this topic, I'll share it here. If anyone reads this has some thoughts, I'd love to hear them!

Try Music Therapy!

I have been doing a lot of research on the internet regarding non-drug therapies for improving memory and exercising the brain. There's been some intriguing studies performed using Music Therapy.
I'd like to share some of the fascinating websites I've found:
Education update: Music Therapy for People with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease

The Institute for Music and Neurologic Function

A caregiver article referencing Music Therapy success

These are just a few. I went to another website, called Eldersong, and found a wealth of great music, along with song books with all the lyrics. To test one out, I purchased the Volume 2 and brought it over to my parents. My Dad started singing immediately! This is a major event! My Dad, who used to sing all the time, hasn't sung in years! He and my Mom both were sitting there singing all the old songs they used to sing to me when I was a child ... like "I'll Be With You in Apple Blossom Time" and "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles," and so many more. They were having a great time!
Now, we just need to find a senior-friendly cd player! My quest continues ... more later!

Think BIG! Senior-Friendly Calendar and Clock!

The calendar highlights activities, with the times they are offered. The purple arrows flag appointments.

This clock is just wonderful! The day and date flip at midnight.

Finally, I have something worth writing about! I know it's been a long time, but when I started this blog, my intention was to focus on products and services that were beneficial to helping your elderly parents (or siblings or friends!) ... not to ramble on about the everyday toils and troubles and anxieties we all feel. We all feel them, let's face it! So, on a positive note, I finally have some products (and projects!) that are, in my opinion, well worth mentioning.

Without going into a lot of details, let me just say that my parents, due to injury, finally moved into an assisted-living residence about two months ago. This has been quite an adjustment ... more of an ongoing adjustment, I'd say. I've been trying everything I can think of to make the transition easier and to try to make sure they are able to take advantage of all the activities and services provided there.

The residence provides a monthly calendar with all the activities listed for every day; however, my parents never seemed to attend anything ... partly because they didn't really even know where to look to figure out what they might want to do and where/when it was offered.

When I met with a senior advocate a couple of weeks ago, she encouraged me to take the monthly calendar and make it REALLY BIG. Highlight the activities that might be important (like appointments) and also all the activities that might be of interest to my parents. She also encouraged me to hang this in a prominent place in the room, visible from the doorway, so that when members of the staff came in, they, too, could glance up at the calendar and remind my parents that the "Bridge Club" was meeting soon or that "Bingo" was just about to start, etc. With that idea, I went to a teacher's store and bought a big, cardboard write on/wipe off calendar. I decided against using the write on/wipe off calendar as THE calendar, though, because after I had filled in the activities for the month, I brushed against it and "poof," half of it disappeared with a mere swipe of my arm! Forget it! If the activites could be that easily erased, it was never going to last a month.

I definitely wanted something more permanent. So I headed over to Office Depot and found those big pieces of paper that come in a tablet on a cardboard easel. The paper, with a little trimming, would work perfectly. SO, I took the teacher's-store calendar and used it as a template to make my own calendar. I don't have a light table big enough for tracing such a huge item, so I used some masking tape and taped the teacher's-store calendar to the window, then I taped my big piece of paper over it. Using the light that came from behind, I was able to see the calendar perfectly and with permanent markers and a ruler, I traced the grid for the calendar.

After I finished the grid, I put my piece on the floor and finished drawing in all the days of the week. Using the monthly calendar from the residence, I wrote in all the things that might interest my parents and the scheduled times. I used different colored markers for each activity and tried to keep that the same throughout: Pale blue for exercises, bright green for bingo, purple for appointments, red for Mass, etc.

I took the calendar and posted it on a bulletin board, along with a list of all the phone numbers that my parents might need (or want!) so they don't have to plow through their old address books every day. (I tacked up a couple of photos, too, just because I had the space on the bulletin board, but you wouldn't have to do that!)

I hung the whole thing in the center of the living-room wall. THEN, I found a fantastic clock that features the day/time. You can find this clock at the Alzheimer's Store. They also have a wall clock that has the same features. The wall clock costs more and I didn't think it would be quite as useful as the desk clock for our purpose. Both clocks are pretty expensive, in my opinion, but I really do think it's been a great help.

Home Helper FOUND

The two agencies we tried to have come in and help my parents really did not meet our requirements. What we really needed was a person who wanted to establish a relationship with my parents, but also who wanted to keep their house clean. Very clean. This was the bottom line. Both agencies we tried sent friendly people, but they really wanted to be more of a house sitter ... or ... I'm not sure what!
In any event, we finally found a local person who goes above and beyond what our expectations were. He's fantastic! His work ethic is incredible. He doesn't ask for pay by the hour, but by the day. He stays until every room is absolutely incredible looking. He brings his own equipment. He's, in a word, WONDERFUL.
I really am confused as to what the agencies think elderly people need. Obviously, if a person is even slightly handicapped due to arthritis, simple tasks become difficult ... washing and folding clothes, doing the dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing, etc. I think the agencies are really missing a very important niche ... cleaning for the elderly!

Finding Home Helpers for the Elderly

I know, I know. I haven't written in a long time! That's because it's been an interesting experience for me ... trying to keep this blog and make it pertinent ... useful ... I have actually deleted a few posts that were, perhaps, a little too personal. I really didn't intend to make this blog be about the trials and tribulations one encounters when helping to care for their elderly parents. No, instead, I had hoped to provide resources and information to help us all along the way. I think I kind of got side-tracked a little.
So, here I am, back in full force and hoping that the links for suggested products and services might help somebody else!
The past month has been particularly taxing while we try to locate just the right cleaning service for my parents. We didn't want the type of service that comes in and turns your house upside-down, rolling up carpets, dusting ceiling fans, etc. We wanted the kind of service that Alice from the Brady Bunch gave every day ... we would have been quite satisfied with Hazel. In short, we wanted a domestic person who could keep the house tidy and do the chores that are too exhausting for my parents at this point.
Do you know how difficult it is to find this? To find someone willing to do the dishes, the laundry and vacuum and mop floors? Sigh.
We've finally settled on another agency. Let me say; however, that the agency is only as good as its employees. And, so far, we've been very happy with the person who has been sent to my parents' home. Another agency we tried did not work out at all ... I think the agency might have downplayed the cleaning aspect of the job to the potential employee ... and, as we all know, that was the only reason we wanted someone! We didn't need a companion (my parents are perfect companions for each other); we didn't need a "sitter." We just needed someone to load and unload the dishes and change the linens on the bed! You wouldn't think that would be so hard to find, would you?
I'll keep you posted.

New York Strip and Oncovite!

We ordered the Oncovite vitamins for my Dad. I wish I had done so sooner, but we can only go forward from here. Again, I'm so amazed at Dr. Lamm's generosity of time in answering yet another letter from me! I really hope the vitamins help.
Meanwhile, my husband went grocery shopping this morning and bought my Dad a nice, big, fat, juicy New York Strip steak!!! He loves steak, but my Mom does not, so my husband thought: Why not get a steak for your Dad and your Mom can have something else? DUH! Why hadn't we thought of this before?
He's been very weak and tired and just lacking appetite. I surely hope the steak (and a lemon-meringue pie for dessert) will cheer him up!
I feel so helpless at making them happy. I wish they lived with us, instead of three miles away ... but they were quite adamant about wanting their own house when they moved here two years ago. Who knew these two years would be so full of changes in their health.
Yes, I need to take a breath. One day at a time. Today will be a good day, please God.